Resolutions
by xSmittenKittenx
Summary: After calling Lily mudblood, Snape finds himself contemplating his life, and whether it's really worth living. Rated T for suicide attempt.
1. Chapter 1

**Konnichiwa~ This is a rather random piece that popped into my head. It will probably stay a oneshot, but I might end up making it multichapter fic.**

**WARNINGS: Suicidal thoughts and attempted suicide.**

**Disclaimer: I dun own it, derp. Then I'd be rich enough to buy that $900 camera I want .**

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Mudblood.

Why had he said it? Severus dragged his long, wiry fingers through his greasy black hair, not even wincing as it pulled at his scalp. In fact, he welcomed the pain in a way, because he deserved it. He'd called her a mudblood, mentioned the unmentionable word.

The Slytherin banged his fists against his temples over and over again, shoulders shaking. After the moment in the courtyard earlier – _that horrible, humiliating moment_ – he had hidden himself in the astronomy tower, knowing that he wouldn't be bothered. There weren't any classes on Wednesdays.

It was nearing midnight now and he hadn't moved. Severus had no doubt that his knuckles were bruised from hitting the ground, probably bleeding. He'd started crying hours ago and somewhere along the way stopped caring.

What reason did he have to care anyway? He thought bitterly. His home-life was abysmal – his mother a timid woman reduced to little but a squib and a father that favored his alchohol and punished often with a heavy hand. His school life wasn't much better. Ridiculed and humiliated at every turn, an outcast in his own house for his blood and the state of his clothes.

The only bright light in his life was Lily, and he'd just lost her too.

So what did he have to live for? Severus let out a shaking breathe as he leaned his head back against the cool stone wall, looking up at the starry sky. His greasy locks caressed his face and he grimaced. He hated his hair. It was naturally oily and the fumes of the potions did nothing to help. It wasn't like he could afford the shampoos to make it better.

He didn't have money. He didn't have a nice home or parents that loved him. He didn't have any goals. He didn't have any friends. He didn't have anyone to care whether he lived or died.

Severus glanced at the towers edge. It would be so easy – _too easy_ – to jump. To end his life. To not have to feel anything anymore.

He felt the corners of his thin lips raise in the ghost of a smile. Lily would cry, he'd bet. She was too nice to not. He'd bet Potter and his posse would be upset too – what other slimy Slytherin made such a good target for them to harass and make miserable? Dumbledore wouldn't care.

The young potion's master snorted. The headmaster had shown that he didn't care whether Severus lived or died last year when he let Black off with a week of detentions for attempting to murder him. Severus himself got punished more, for two weeks for being set up to meet a ravenous werewolf.

But could he do it?

He shut his eyes for only a minute before opening them, revealing determined coal-black eyes.

He could. And he would.

Severus stood up on trembling legs, stumbling over to the ledge and gripping it hard enough that his knuckles turned a stark white. His breath came faster and his heart thudded in his chest as he slowly swung himself over until he was sitting with his legs dangling hundreds of feet off of the ground.

"I can do this." His whispered, hoaresly, swallowing the fear that was creeping up on him as he looked down. Another tear streaked down his cheek until it dripped onto his hand. He glanced down, the sight of his own bloody knuckles strengthening his resolve. He sucked in one deep breath.

"Bye Lily." Severus whispered, closing his eyes and letting go. His heart froze in his chest and he opened his mouth to scream because _he was terrified, horrified, he didn't- he couldn't-_

But he didn't have to; a hand had grabbed his wrist. The Slytherin glanced up, undoubtedly looking pathetic with puffy red eyes and disheveled hair, only for his breathe to catch in his throat as what had happened clicked in his mind.

_Why the bloody hell had Remus Lupin just saved his life?_

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**Dundundunnnn.**

**Song of the Chapter; Nobody's Fool - Evanescence**

**~Violet**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello! Since so many of you wanted it to be more than a oneshot, here you are! Not sure how often I'll update it, but it should at least be a few chapter long.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

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Before the complete and utter shock wore off, he was being tugged back up onto the tower floor. Severus's knees felt like jelly as he ungracefully collapsed into a pile on the floor. Relief floored through him for a moment before the situation hit him.

Squaring his bony shoulders, he turned his head up to one of the four banes of his existence and glared with all the hatred in his body.

Hatred for the tormenting, the pain and humiliation and helplessness he and his idiotic friends had caused – hatred for almost killing him, for being one of the causes of taking the only thing he had to live for away from, and then having the gall to _save his life and prolong his suffering._

Why couldn't they leave him _alone?_

The werewolf flinched back from his glare and the Slytherin sneered – he was such a coward. "What are you doing here Lupin?" He snarked as if the words were like acid on his tongue. They might as well have been.

The only reply he got then was a sort of strangled whimper. Confused and with growing irritation, Severus looked closer at the boy in front of him, and his breath caught in his throat.

Because Lupin looked _horrible._

His face was pale and he was visibly shaking. One of his pale, scarred hands was covering his mouth and the other was knotted through his sandy hair. The Gryffindor as leaning against the ledge, looking towards him, but not at him.

"You- … you jumped. You jumped." Lupin whispered, slowly bringing his hand down. Severus felt a thrum of horror as the true reality of who had just seen him kicked in.

Lupin, Remus Lupin, a Marauder had seen him try to ki- to jump. He had probably just saved him so he could tell his group. They would tell everyone, he'd get thrown into St. Mungo's, or worse – they'd make him stay here and suffer the humiliation of everyone knowing how pathetic he was.

"You jumped." Lupin repeated like a leaky faucet. Even in the face of his budding panic, he still couldn't resist the urge to make a comment.

"Good job Lupin, you realized the obvious. Do you want a reward? How about a bone." Severus spat, but the werewolf didn't even seem to hear him.

"You tried to kill yourself." The sandy-haired Gryffindor whispered bluntly. He couldn't help but flinch at the brutality of the words.

No witty comments came to mind this time.

"...Why?" Lupin asked, his voice breaking in the middle of the word.

"Why do you think." He hissed, eyes narrowing.

"It- it wasn't us, was it? We, James, Sirius, you blokes always do that kind of stuff, you've never- never. Just, why?" The werewolf babbled, his voice turning slightly hysterical towards the end.

"You want to know why I did it, Lupin?" Severus mutter scathingly. The Gryffindor nodded hesitantly.

A dark smile that held no real amusement flashed across his tear-stained features. "Because you, Potter, Pettigrew and that damned Black took away the last thing worth living for." He left out an uneven chuckle. "Congratulations."

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**Cliffhanger? Ohhoho~ Hope I portrayed Remus correctly. If your wondering about Snape's sudden mood change, I always thought he'd be the time to get pissed when caught in a vulnerable situation.**

**Song of the Chapter: How to Save a Life - The Fray**

**~Violet**


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